O AFS Brasil faz 50 anos em 2006. Procurando algumas fotos tiradas há alguns anos para uma exposição comemorativa do AFS encontrei meus álbuns enquanto estudante de intercâmbio em Porto Rico (1994/95), e (re) vendo todas eles eu senti que grande parte das minhas lembranças da adolescência morriam ali.
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A gente tende a conceder juízos emocionais a fotografias como se na realidade elas pudessem representar todos os sentimentos complexos que já tivemos. Na verdade não todos, mas os extremos: o saudosismo ou a raiva, a felicidade completa ou a tristeza profunda. É impressionante como conseguimos simplificar numa impressão todo o período de uma vida.
Os anos não voltam - inevitável verdade - com fotos, vídeos ou em quaisquer outros suportes. Os sentimentos também não voltam, eles nos acompanham e se transformam de acordo com nossas novas visões de mundo e dos próprios sentimentos que temos.
Todos os dias penso em voltar, em mergulhar num passado sem surpresas, organizo reencontros, revejo amigos, mas o tempo insiste em não voltar. Insiste em testar minha persistência, insiste em me desmoralizar, em desafiar meu saudosismo e minha vontade de dominar o tempo.
As tentativas de reviver cheiram a leite azedo, tornam-se sofridas, fugidias. Não é este momento, não são mais as mesmas pessoas, são representações não lúcidas de uma realidade que não existiu. São simbólicas e perfeitas - e por isso vazias, por isso que elas não preenchem nossos corações, não tapam o nosso vazio, embora despistemos esta que era nossa esperança e continuamos nossa eterna busca no passado por algo que possa ter gerado estas sensações incompletas de hoje.
Não adianta, a gente envelhece e por mais que nos esforcemos, estamos sempre nos acomodando. Perdi a inconseqüência, ela fugiu em disparada há muito tempo. Perdi a intuição, perdi a coragem de fazer as coisas sem pensar, dar uma chance ao fortuito sem que a lógica e a racionalidade pudessem decidir todo e cada ato de minha vida. Acho que eu deveria lutar contra a apatia, a chatice. Mas a falta do hábito nos torna burocráticos, retira nossa inventividade, coragem e criatividade. Nos prendemos numa rotina que parece prisão tamanha a dificuldade de mudança. E mesmo estas mudanças são inúteis e voltamos correndo com medo à rotina.
Permanecemos no claro para evitar nosso medo desesperador da escuridão. Me afligem os apegos materiais de minhas lembranças. Parece que minhas recordações estão sumindo do consciente, parece que só com minhas fotos terei meu passado guardado, parece que as lembranças traumáticas insistem em tomar o lugar dos grandes momentos de minha vida que estão sumindo, que estão guardados nos meus álbuns de fotos.
O passado vem antes do presente. Verdade óbvia que foi dita numa canção para que engulamos a seco todas nossas esperanças de tentar viver no passado e não existir futuro. Se pudéssemos controlar o passado não temeríamos tanto, não sofreríamos tanto. Não teríamos tanto medo de perder pessoas, de perder lugares, de perder um tempo que não volta, medo talvez de nuca mais sermos os mesmos.
Para onde foram as minhas lembranças?
PS. Meio pessimista esse meu ponto de vista. Reflexos de Schopenhauer? [li a Cura de Schopenhauer – Irvin Yalon – recentemente. Recomendo, mas não deixe a visão pessimista dele – Schopenhauer – te abalar por muito tempo.]
Tour com a escola (Yauco High) para o recife de Corais de Magüey. Segurando uma espécie rara de ouriço do mar branco – coisas que só o Caribe faz por você [abril de 1995]
Cara de gurizinho... e bronzeado [momento raro na minha vida], carro da família em Porto Rico. O adesivo dispensa comentários... [junho de 1995]
E de fato morreram.
A gente tende a conceder juízos emocionais a fotografias como se na realidade elas pudessem representar todos os sentimentos complexos que já tivemos. Na verdade não todos, mas os extremos: o saudosismo ou a raiva, a felicidade completa ou a tristeza profunda. É impressionante como conseguimos simplificar numa impressão todo o período de uma vida.
Os anos não voltam - inevitável verdade - com fotos, vídeos ou em quaisquer outros suportes. Os sentimentos também não voltam, eles nos acompanham e se transformam de acordo com nossas novas visões de mundo e dos próprios sentimentos que temos.
Todos os dias penso em voltar, em mergulhar num passado sem surpresas, organizo reencontros, revejo amigos, mas o tempo insiste em não voltar. Insiste em testar minha persistência, insiste em me desmoralizar, em desafiar meu saudosismo e minha vontade de dominar o tempo.
As tentativas de reviver cheiram a leite azedo, tornam-se sofridas, fugidias. Não é este momento, não são mais as mesmas pessoas, são representações não lúcidas de uma realidade que não existiu. São simbólicas e perfeitas - e por isso vazias, por isso que elas não preenchem nossos corações, não tapam o nosso vazio, embora despistemos esta que era nossa esperança e continuamos nossa eterna busca no passado por algo que possa ter gerado estas sensações incompletas de hoje.
Não adianta, a gente envelhece e por mais que nos esforcemos, estamos sempre nos acomodando. Perdi a inconseqüência, ela fugiu em disparada há muito tempo. Perdi a intuição, perdi a coragem de fazer as coisas sem pensar, dar uma chance ao fortuito sem que a lógica e a racionalidade pudessem decidir todo e cada ato de minha vida. Acho que eu deveria lutar contra a apatia, a chatice. Mas a falta do hábito nos torna burocráticos, retira nossa inventividade, coragem e criatividade. Nos prendemos numa rotina que parece prisão tamanha a dificuldade de mudança. E mesmo estas mudanças são inúteis e voltamos correndo com medo à rotina.
Permanecemos no claro para evitar nosso medo desesperador da escuridão. Me afligem os apegos materiais de minhas lembranças. Parece que minhas recordações estão sumindo do consciente, parece que só com minhas fotos terei meu passado guardado, parece que as lembranças traumáticas insistem em tomar o lugar dos grandes momentos de minha vida que estão sumindo, que estão guardados nos meus álbuns de fotos.
O passado vem antes do presente. Verdade óbvia que foi dita numa canção para que engulamos a seco todas nossas esperanças de tentar viver no passado e não existir futuro. Se pudéssemos controlar o passado não temeríamos tanto, não sofreríamos tanto. Não teríamos tanto medo de perder pessoas, de perder lugares, de perder um tempo que não volta, medo talvez de nuca mais sermos os mesmos.
Para onde foram as minhas lembranças?
PS. Meio pessimista esse meu ponto de vista. Reflexos de Schopenhauer? [li a Cura de Schopenhauer – Irvin Yalon – recentemente. Recomendo, mas não deixe a visão pessimista dele – Schopenhauer – te abalar por muito tempo.]
Tour com a escola (Yauco High) para o recife de Corais de Magüey. Segurando uma espécie rara de ouriço do mar branco – coisas que só o Caribe faz por você [abril de 1995]
Cara de gurizinho... e bronzeado [momento raro na minha vida], carro da família em Porto Rico. O adesivo dispensa comentários... [junho de 1995]
February 08, 2006 10:56 PM
Lucas,
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By the way, o link para o meu blog não está funcionando.
February 08, 2006 10:59 PM
Segue link correto: http://oblogdanginha.weblogger.terra.com.br/
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http://pl.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Terytorium_Orleanu&redirect=no
http://energetyka-polska.eu/przemysl-metalurgiczny
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http://energetyka-polska.eu/przemysl-w-polsce
http://energetyka-polska.eu/paliwa-alternatywne
http://energetyka-polska.eu/biomasa-w-polsce
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